My son's mother contacted me while I was in prison - it was the shock of my life | Halek Hossain

 

The first big story I wrote before I was imprisoned was about my son.

It hit home in a way I never expected, and I want to thank my wife in a big way for that, because she did a lot of the editing. The stories are mine; If only he understood something

In December 2020, my son's mother - let's call her A - picked up our child to visit and never returned him.

At the time, all we could do was speculate about his reasons, as he wouldn't respond to phone calls or texts. He left with no forwarding address. We couldn't take him to court because we didn't have the means to do so. We were already dealing with the criminal justice system about the situation that eventually landed me in prison and trying to get an attorney for it.

Related. 13 People Reveal Things They've Always Wished Their Dads Said About Them

Needless to say, the timing was not good in our lives.

Until recently, we had no way of knowing where my son was but finally learned that he was okay, thankfully. We are still not in contact with my ex, but he was allowing my daughter to spend time with my son. So every now and then, I would hear updates from M, my daughter about C, my son. (My children have different mothers.) A was still very careful not to share where he lived - even with M's mother.

I didn't ask, but M's mom would say something like, "I'm not even allowed to pick her up, she always brings her and drops her off. I guess she's afraid I'll tell you where she lives." Which is crazy, considering I was already in prison. Plus, what do I do? I guess he was afraid I would do what he did: pick him up and disappear.

Out of the blue, I received a letter from my son's mother. In North Carolina, all inmates receive letters through a centralized service called Text Behind, so as long as you know an inmate's name, you can easily send them a letter through an app on your phone. It costs the same as buying a postage stamp, but is as easy as typing a text message

Related. Although I do not have a relationship with my father, I am not fatherless

I'll admit, I was shocked to find it.

I knew he knew I was in prison. My daughter's mother informed me that they told about my imprisonment. Also, the county we're from can be gossip central, everyone knows everyone else's business - so I knew he knew what was going on. Or at least, what has been reported.

His first letter was by no means pleasant. He based all his information only on what was reported to him by my daughter's mother (which was not accurate), bargain information and gossip. He was rude and condescending and said he wanted to terminate my parental rights - because C was asking questions about where I was and why I wasn't in contact and he didn't want to tell her the truth.

After briefly discussing the matter with my wife and a close friend of ours who is an attorney, we decided to ignore his letter. Basically, he couldn't terminate my parental rights because I was in prison, so ignoring my letter wouldn't make a difference.

Related. 11 Signs You Were Raised by a Bad Mom or Dad (And It's Affecting You Now)

Within a week, he sent another letter in a completely different tone.

He apologized for his initial letter, saying that he just felt he needed to put his anger at me on paper but that he knew he was wrong to do so and that C deserved to have his father in his life, no matter what he said about me. felt He also said that I also deserve my right to speak.

He gave me his telephone number this time and said I was welcome to call him so we could talk. So am I. And I heard my son's voice for the first time since December 2020.

I'm not too proud to say, I cried like a baby.

He talked and talked like we talked yesterday. He told me all about playing on the playground that day, how he and his little brother (he also has an almost 3-year-old son) were playing Avengers, and then he broke my heart. "Father, have you stopped loving me? Because you won't come to see me. Why did you make a bad choice and go to jail?"

If only I could become one with the floor.

One immediately responded, "I didn't tell him you stopped loving him, please don't think so. But he's been asking a lot lately why he can't see you and I didn't want to lie to him. So I just told him that sometimes Adults make bad choices and have to pay consequences, which sometimes means going to jail. So right now, Dad is in jail, but he'll be home as soon as possible. But he loves you so much."

The conversation he had with my 5-year-old son was not what I wanted, but I also understand that there is no better way. I can't be bothered with it.

Works a lot as a waitress and has a crazy schedule so I don't get to talk to my son as much as I'd like - but I can talk to him. And I know where he is and he's fine. He is in Kindergarten now. Time goes by so fast. And there's still happy news: A and my current wife have started communicating. He got to see my son for the first time since December 2020. I looked at the photos and I can tell you, I'm not sure who was smiling the most. He and A talk fairly regularly and they get along - something I never thought I'd say and something I honestly never thought I'd willingly facilitate. I wasn't mature enough for that - today, I am, finally.

Related. To My Dad Who Should Have Been There Damian Dillon is currently incarcerated. He writes about what prison is really like and the effect it has on families. | Halek Hossain